I am always amazed by...

I am always amazed by the juxtaposition between the experiences we choose and those that are thrust upon us. I decided to run the Leadville Trail 100-Mile Run. I did not choose to lose both my parents to cancer before I turned 30. However, I’ve found that if I can shift my mindset to one in which life is happening “for” me rather than “to” me, I then have the power to create expansive personal growth. This can be tough to put into practice when tragedy strikes or things don’t go our way, but the ultimate challenge and goal are to understand that all of life is a gift should we choose to make it so. Here’s an example: I’ve had two very different experiences running Leadville, the 100-mile race all above an elevation of 10,000 feet in the Colorado high country. When you look at a 100-mile ultramarathon, it’s easy to see it as a singularly focused, selfish endeavor taken on by the person who signed up for the race. Preparation takes the runner away from family for many hours a week, and there is a tremendous cost involved in paying for coaching, nutrition, gear, physical therapy, etc. Additionally, and maybe most significantly, there is the mental and emotional energy that is put toward this goal that most people cannot relate to. While all of this is true, there is something greater at work that I didn’t see until I finally knocked off my number one bucket list item, finishing the Leadville Trail 100.

THE TEXT MESSAGE THAT CHANGED ME

I am a slightly above-average athlete. I’ve always enjoyed playing and watching sports, but I would never consider myself an elite athlete, and I still don’t. In school, I was never the first one picked when making teams in P.E., but I wasn’t the last. I grew up in Baltimore, playing lacrosse from age six, so I was used to running a lot. When I moved to Boulder in 1995 to go to CU Boulder, I had heard about the “Race Across the Sky,” the 100-mile running race in Leadville, Colorado. It sounded like a fantastic event, but I couldn’t fathom how it was possible to run that distance, at such a high altitude, under 30 hours—30 hours being the time cut-off for an official finish. Fast-forward to 2017. I had just been camping with a friend after summiting a 14’er, and we were in Leadville Sunday morning for breakfast around 9 a.m., which was one hour before the 10 a.m. cut-off. We heard people cheering for runners to reach the finish line, so we went to watch. Within one minute of being there, tears filled my eyes as I witnessed these last runners conquer such a daunting task, crossing the finish line with their families in tow. People of all ages shuffled to the finish, collapsing into the arms of their loved ones. The experience so moved me that it went on to my bucket list: Finish the Leadville 100. Then reality kicked in. I was 25 pounds overweight, had a 4- and 6-year-old at home, and was drinking too much. I had run a few marathons, but the last one was such a disaster that the thought of doing another marathon, much less a 100-mile ultra, was inconceivable. After the tears dried and winter came, the only thing that changed from that day I felt so inspired was my increase in weight. But that February, I got a text message that changed everything: “Hey, Dude, I know you like to run. Wanna run the Grand Traverse 40 miler with me in July?” My quick reply: “Yes, I do!”… and that’s when it all started. By that point, I was 30 pounds overweight and needed something to kick me into gear. My desire to start training was just below the surface of my conscious mind. The text brought it to the surface, and I was like, “Yes, that’s it.” I just needed that little push.

Within a year, I finished my first ultra-marathon, lost 20 pounds, and quit drinking alcohol. In the following few years, I ran three more ultras with Leadville in my sights. I was starting to realize I could run longer. I knew I needed to take the literal and figurative steps to get there. The amount of training involved, combined with clear, sober head space, was better for me and those around me. The whole process felt like I was checking all the boxes I had needed to for years. I felt power in setting a goal and working toward it, which felt amazing and productive. It positively affected my whole state of being. The endorphins from training made me feel happier, which made my family happier to be around me. I was more present, more grounded. I also provided an excellent example for my kids regarding what is possible when you set a goal for yourself and execute a plan. All of this helped to create a new perspective on life that I knew was there deep down, but I was now finally able to access it.

PROGRESSION

After having completed a 100K race in 2020, I knew 2021 was the year to try to conquer Leadville. I toed the line in 2021, but because of injuries incurred during training for the race, I gave myself a 50/50 chance of finishing. Unfortunately (but in hindsight, fortunately), injuries and time got the better of me, and I had to pull out at mile 97.5. This would have been an A+ in school, but in the pass/fail world of ultramarathons, it was a dreaded DNF (Did Not Finish)/FAIL! My body told me I should have quit at the last aid station at mile 88 but my son saying, “Dad, you told us not to let you quit!” kept me going. As the sweaty tears from that conversation poured out of my puffy eyes, I reluctantly ran out of the aid station to try to finish what I had started. The fact that I pushed on despite my desire to stop at mile 88 made quitting at 97.5 miles more palatable. Though not finishing stung for a while, most growth comes from failure, so I didn’t look at that race as a failure. But as the story got out about what had happened, I was often asked whether I would attempt the race again. That always surprised me because there was never a doubt in my mind that I would be back to get it done. A year later, I returned for redemption, taking all the lessons I’d learned from my first attempt with me. I was in better shape and not dealing with my nagging hip issue in 2021. While all the training and workouts were essential to finishing the race, the most significant difference was in my mind. The first year, I didn’t know if I could do it. The second year, I knew I was going to finish. There was power in my conviction. I’m thrilled to say that I finished the Leadville Trail 100-Mile Run in 29 hours and 18 minutes. There is no way I could have completed it without my wife Maya, my son Mose, and my daughter Skylar helping me at every aid station, especially in the middle of the night. I also had three great pacers (all great women!) run with me through the night and early morning, making sure I ate, drank, and kept moving through the final 38 miles of the course. I had all that support the first year, too, but this year was different. I knew I could do it. Finishing the race has been on my radar for 25 years and a genuine bucket list item for five. Running up the red carpet for the final 50 yards was one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.

MY PERSONAL TAKEAWAY

People have asked me why on earth I would choose to participate in a 100-mile ultramarathon. Before finishing the race, I would have said I wanted to challenge myself, get in shape and stay there, push my limits, and set a good example for my kids. All of those are true, but the surprising lesson I learned is that we all have run, are running, or will run our own version of 100-mile races—career changes, break-ups, illness, losing loved ones, etc. When I look at all the people who came together in various ways to get me over the finish line this past year, I know it was a massive group effort, which worked for me. In challenges of any sort, some people might need similar group support from friends and family, a therapist, or a life coach; some might need to work through things mostly on their own. For Leadville and me, volunteers at the aid stations, the random stranger with an encouraging word, my family that stayed up all night supporting me, my pacers, and the Leadville community contributed, in some way, to my success. They gave selflessly to me in service of my 100-mile effort. And I am profoundly grateful to all of them and life for this experience. But participating in the event, both with a DNF and a finish, also showed me that I want the opportunity to give back to those around me when they are running their own 100-mile races…of any sort, even the ones we don’t choose ourselves. The greater perspective is that, with life’s challenges, there are certain “races” we choose to participate in and certain ones/circumstances we do not. At the end of the day, I feel it doesn’t matter. When you’re challenged with something difficult, the key is not feeling like a victim. When we approach any experience with an attitude of, “This is my 100-mile race whether I chose it or not”—and whether it goes well or doesn’t—we can grow from the experience should we choose to accept it as a gift.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” — Byron Katie

I’m excited to give back to those in need of my help and do it with gratitude for the opportunity to serve.